Well, first of all, our Flag could use some improving. If that great patriot and movie star Chuck Norris says so, it must be true. Re-design options are here–

In an article published earlier this week at the conservative news site WorldNetDaily, Norris suggested that supporters of the Tea Party movement find historical flags, such as the 13-star Betsy Ross flag, to fly in front of their homes as a symbol of opposition to the policies of the current government.

“I suggest you fly some revolutionary flag in lieu of your 50 star flag over the next year or so. Post the 13-star Betsy Ross flag, Navy Jack or Gadsden flag (“Don’t Tread On Me”) or any representation that tells the story of Old Glory and makes a stand for our founders’ vision of America,” Norris wrote.

The star of the Missing in Action movies and Walker, Texas Ranger added: “If you insist on posting a modern USA flag too, then get one that has been tea stained, to show your solidarity with our founders.”

The words “tea stained” are hyperlinked to a page at the “WND superstore” that offers a “Tea Stained (Heritage) Mahogany 50-star Flag Kit” for $73.50.

Breathes there a man with a soul so dead that he wouldn’t fork up $73.50 to pour tea on Old Glory?

But there’s more. You can click this link to see Jessica Simpson supporting the troops by cutting up the flag and using it as underwear. At least that’s what it looks like.

Back in my day, if you wore the flag on your butt you could get arrested. After the cops got through beating you up.

I could do without all the people who stick a flag on their car antenna and drive around until it’s in shreds. I could do without ‘these colors don’t run’ bumper stickers that have faded to pink and baby blue. I could especially do without stores that stick 100 flags on their lawn when they have a sale.

Probably because I was in the girl scouts. They taught us Flag Etiquette. You know, you’re supposed to take it down at night, not leave it flapping on the pole until the stripes separate.

There is a law against using the flag in advertising, but I don’t know if it only pertains to D.C. Anyone know?

It’s not only the Flag that needs improving, the Bible is way too full of liberal-leaning passages. Andy Schlafly, son of Phyllis Schlafly, is inviting subscribers to Conservapedia to whip the Bible into shape so that it is more politically correct.

That can be done with a Wiki approach, which is fortunate. Attempting to actually translate the Bible from the original languages would be time-consuming, and involve academics, scholars, and people who know Ancient Hebrew and Aramaic, many of whom are Jews and foreigners. I think they’ll still have trouble getting the teachings of Jesus to fit the program. But they’re going to give it a good try…

Here are possible approaches to creating a conservative Bible translation:

* identify pro-liberal terms used in existing Bible translations, such as “government”, and suggest more accurate substitutes
* identify the omission of liberal terms for vices, such as “gambling”, and identify where they should be used
* identify conservative terms that are omitted from existing translations, and propose where they could improve the translation
* identify terms that have lost their original meaning, such as “word” in the beginning of the Gospel of John, and suggest replacements, such as “truth”

An existing translation might license its version for improvement by the above approaches, much as several modern translations today are built on prior translations. Alternatively, a more ambitious approach would be to start anew from the best available ancient transcripts.

In stage one, the translation could focus on word improvement and thereby be described as a “conservative word-for-word” translation. If greater freedom in interpretation is then desired, then a “conservative thought-for-thought” version could be generated as a second stage.

When Conservapedia is done ‘improving’ the Bible they can do a make-over on the Constitution. What’s weird, too, is that they don’t just use the KJV, which predates the USA and all our political angst. But it’s probably too liberal for them. They have some excuse about the quality of the translation, but then they are trying to fix the Word of God with the help of an internet community most of whom couldn’t translate their way through Shakespeare or a menu at a taco restaurant.

I can just see them waving their tea-stained flag and preaching from their New Wiki Bible. If you’re conservative you can mess with the flag and the Bible, talk about seceding from the United States and joke about violence against the President. And tea-stained or re-written, you can claim to own the Flag and the Bible. It’s not a matter of what you believe, or say, or do. It’s a matter of being the right kind of person.