Why spend money on the Enquirer or the Globe, when you can get ridiculous predictions for free at Kmareka? However, if any of these come true, you heard it here first…
January — Michael Mukasey is unable to serve his term as Attorney General after eating some bad clams. Former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris is appointed to replace him under a presidential power that President Bush just invented. Democrats object, until the Fox Network accuses them of hating America. Then they go on vacation.
Attorney General Harris takes 50,000,000 voters off the registered list because they have funny names.
February — The Pope decides that Iraq meets the criteria of a ‘just war’. Vatican guards join the coalition of the willing.
Paris Hilton declares that with $27 million dollars inheritance she can buy all the admirers she wants. She stops dieting.
Al Sharpton fears he’s losing his looks. He starts dieting. He calls Mike Huckabee for tips.
March — Mary Cheney comes out as a Democrat. Parents disown her, try to get custody of her son.
Barbara and Jenna Bush enlist in the National Guard to serve their country. They take obscure, low-level jobs to avoid a security risk. “For the next four years I’ll be living entirely on my Guard pay�, says Barbara, “I don’t want any special privileges.� Paris Hilton eats an entire bucket of chicken when she hears the news.
April — Mike Huckabee’s son David goes on a weight loss program so he can join the Army and serve his country.
Army recruiter says, “Oh heck, we’ll take him as is. We’re desperate. We’ll put him on canine patrol.�
Michael Vicks released from jail to join David Huckabee in training attack dogs for Iraq war.
May — Both men are casualties of rabies outbreak.
June — Pat Robertson makes deathbed confession, “I was in it for the money all along.â€? Dies laughing. Son Gordon takes over business empire, asking followers, “Who you gonna believe, me or your own ears?â€?
July — Stock market dives, President Bush says the economy is strong.
Hottest summer on record. Congress moves sessions to Alaska.
August — The Fed prints up another batch of money to keep the stock market happy. New bills are pink, with picture of Paris Hilton.
September — Riots on campus. Students with funny names demand right to vote.
Vatican guards shoot at US troops in friendly fire incident.
October — Vice President in hospital for a week getting transfusions of fresh blood. President Bush on vacation at ranch. Katherine Harris declares herself in charge. Everyone ignores her.
November — My crystal ball fails me here, it’s up to you, America…
Recurring Nightmare 
Wonderful, but can we add some of our own predictions?
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Donald, more predictions–that would be great, but for a better chance of them coming true, make some outrageous ones.
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OK…some predictions from the Southwest; all those chile peppers make us look at the world in a different way.
I predict that 5 ft 8 Dennis Kucinich will appear at events in 2008 with a girlfriend not over 6 ft tall and 20 years his junior as he did throughout 2007, and he will finally buy that property in Roswell that he has been looking at.
I predict Ann Coulter’s doctor (the same one that prescribes for Rush) will change her meds and she will finally even out.
I predict that a plaque will be dedicated to Donald Trump for being able to cover 80% of his scalp with 20% of his hair, and Mr. Trump will announce that he will build a 30 story monument to his ego in Midtown Manhattan.
I predict V.P. Cheney will switch to being a vegetarian and all the birds at game farms will breath a sigh of relief (and so will his former hunting companions).
I predict that former President Clinton will enter a monastery and take vows of chastity, modesty, silence and temperance.
I predict that President Bush, after the 2008 elections, will make the first gift to his planned Presidential Library, his complete collection of Superman comics and the Presidential coloring books.
I predict that 90 year old Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia, will donate his Grand Klegel KKK sheets to the Smithsonian and then announce he will make a run for President as an Independent, because he does not want John McCain to be the oldest Presidential candidate ever.
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November: My dog Scout, having declared his candidacy for the newly formed Kibble Party in February—just one day after Michael Bloomberg issued a press release that read, “Psych—just kidding! If I wanted to run the United States, I would have bought it by now.”—runs a clean campaign against the Democratic and Republican candidates, who had each won their party’s nomination in single-elimination Rollerball tournaments that President Bush had signed into law as “the fun new way to primarify.” (Improbably, Mike Huckabee and Dennis Kucinich won their respective Rollerball primaries, but Chuck Norris supplanted Huckabee in the general election after Huckabee’s rumored gastric-bypass Lap Band snapped and shot a hole clean through his heart.)
Negative campaigning backfires on the competition, with American voters declaring admiration for Scout’s equanimity in the face of ads attacking his inexperience and lack of pedigree. Many voters cite as their reason for supporting him: “He seems like the kind of dog I could relax and have a beer with.” Scout wins in a landslide, with a squirrel named Squirrel as his running mate. At the same time, voters eager to restore checks and balances to the legislature elect cat majorities to both the House and the Senate.
December: Attorney General Harris nullifies all election results and reelects self.
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I vote for Scout; he is a canine friend one can have a beer with.
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my cat can’t run for office, he has a hairball vomiting scandal in his past.
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